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My son had been diagnosed at about age 5 with some sort of mood and/or ADHD at about 5; prior to that they thought he had Turrets Syndrome. I thought, because of our life with his biological father, who was manic/depressive and an alcholoic/addict, Bean may just suffer from anxiety or worse case bi-polar disorder coupled with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. He's been on a variety of medication regimes -- wellbutrin and ritalin clones -- which just made his 'symptoms,' or what we call fits and/or episodes worse. After his first hospitalization in March of 2008, following a new med regime, I really got serious about trying to help him be OK. It's a daily struggle. Some days I win the battle, sometimes the battle gets the best of me. But, I soldier on. This journal is a way for me to document his behavior, vent, think out loud, strategize and generally try to be the best mom to him I can.

Bean was tenatively diagnosed with Early Onset Bipolar Disorder (rapid cycling) as early as Age 5. I thought it was a crock. But at 7 when he tried his first suicide attempt, I knew there was something wrong. I thought it was the too many years spent with his mentally ill, abusive and alcohol & drug-addicted biological father. But, as time progressed, it wasn't just PTSD, it wasn't just a spirited child. Something was wrong. My son was not OK. I struggled with the possibility of 'labeling' my child so young. In the end, getting definitive diagnosis (Bipolar, PTSD, and learning disabilities) and weekly mental-health care has helped things immensely. However, the journey to helping my son be OK has only just begun.

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